Thursday, March 18, 2010

Tough nights

I must have hit some magic point in my sobriety because I have master the control of the expected desires for alcohol.  You know when you're out with friends, at a party, eating bar food, etc.  Those times are a breeze, I just simply realize that I don't need it.  After all, if I don't have one, I can't have ten.

It's these nights where I find myself alone that it truly strikes with a power and depth that is hard to explain.  Have you ever gotten hungry only to let it pass, then some time later you're body simply takes over and compels you to eat?  It's like that but hits with the power of ten.  I don't think my depressive tendencies help rather they serve as a tool for the thirst.

These are the nights that I feel the most alone in my fight.  I feel as though no one around me can fully comprehend what it is I'm going through.  Words are only words and can not supply someone else with a proper sense of what this feeling is like.

Fear not trusty reader, I WILL make it through these nights.  I have too.  I will not let my demon win.  I simply can not.  Every other addiction I have ended has only forced the monster to move to another substance.  Now there is nothing left.  Caffeine isn't strong enough to feed it.  Soda, while bad, again not enough.

Tonight, I wait.  For what?  The sanctuary of bed and the healing sleep that it brings.  For all is washed away (most times) during my slumber.

Alright enough of that, I have dishes to do.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Cannan '04

Hey I tried out this new service called Animoto to make a free video of some pics with my music. Tell me what you think of it.

Cannan

Friday, March 12, 2010

My new addiction

So I'm still sober and clean...although I did go back to drinking soda.  Just had trouble letting that one go.  Been sticking to a couple of my last 'rules', mainly the one about not eating fast food.  Which I think is really good, right!?  Of course!  So where does that leave us???  Well my new addiction......ready for this one?  I don't think you really are because it's confusing as hell.

I'm addicted to naps and getting up really early in the morning.  For example recently I seem to have developed the ability to take a nap when ever and almost where ever I want to, a great thing!  At the same time I go through this phases where I'll wake up really early and stay up all day.  Take today for instance.  It's currently 10:40pm EST and I have been awake since midnight EST.  Almost 23 hours and I'm about 85% normal feeling.  Today is a bit of an oddity though because I seem to not be able to nap today, but I have been feeling better than I normally feel.  Weird trade off.

Some say that it might be the adjustment of my Abilify (never heard of it?  Go google it and check out the long list of side affects.  Lovely drug!) from 12.5mg every day to 15mg every other day.  The only problem I see with this theory is that it does not seem to coincide with the days that I take the medicine.  Some might think coffee or soda but those actually tend to make me sleepy.  Honest to god I can drink a cup of coffee and be asleep 30 minutes later.

Big news I'm going back to school.  Going to work to get my bachelors.  Changing careers to web development.  I'm really and truly tired of the Internet Support/Install routine and need to do something different.  Given the amount of programming that is in web development I think it'll be a great match!  Oh and I found a cool (but $$$) 7 day class on iPhone app development that I'm going to hopefully take at some point.

Move along nothing to see here.  (you'll have to excuse any and all typos, I've been up for 23 hours now!)